It is a feeling that most of us have felt carved by society and the expectation that we must be the perfect caregivers. The truth is that none of us are perfect. Not a single one of us. There will be days where everything will just fall into place and there will also be days where it seems that nothing is going right. It’s hard to not feel the guilt especially with social media these days. I know that most people only show the good days but it is so easy to allow those negative thoughts in your head when you feel like you aren’t doing enough.
Motherhood will never be a one-size-fits-all all experience. I love my minis, I love watching them grow, and I love living life with them and yet, there are still things that I do not enjoy. We’ve let society paint a picture of what motherhood should look like and if it doesn’t match reality, we feel inadequate.
As a working mom, I always felt guilty for not being home enough. I felt like someone else was getting to raise my son while I was on the sidelines missing out. Of course, I wanted to be the first to experience all the new things with him. It made me feel sad that I had to wake him up early to get to daycare and sometimes pick him up late.
What helped me overcome that guilt (and it still comes and goes whether I’m working or not), is knowing that as a working mom I am doing what I need to do to provide for our family. I’m not away just playing around. I’m working and the work needs to be done for us to have the things that we want and need. Also, as a sahm, I take pride in having the extra time with the kids. I love being about to be their first teacher before they prepare to start going to school. I love that I get to spend extra time having fun with them and making memories with them.
The takeaway from all this is to say that we all feel it. It doesn’t matter if you’re working or you’re staying home. We all feel the guilt. Just know that as long as you are doing your very best, your kids will love and appreciate you regardless. If you have mom friends or a village, lean on them. Talk about your feelings and don’t let anyone make you feel like you aren’t doing enough. Above all, take care of you. You are just as important as anyone else.
Here are a few ways to help with that guilt feeling:
- Recognize and Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognize the guilt feeling and know, it’s a universal feeling among moms. You are not alone in the way that you feel. Shift your focus to your achievements rather than your failures. Concentrating on your failures can cause you to lose sight of the bigger picture.
- Set Realistic Expectations: We often set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and then feel guilty when we don’t accomplish things the way we thought we would. You can do it all and it’s okay for you to need and ask for help. Be kind to yourself.
- Practice Self Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d extend to another mom. Don’t be so harsh on yourself. You are allowed to make mistakes. You are allowed to feel the feelings. Remember that this is a journey. There will always be great moments and there will also be bad moments. Focus on the good and celebrate your small wins.
- Practice Self-Care: Self-care is the best care! You deserve it. It’s okay to take time for YOU. You need it. It will help make you a better person. If you need professional help, get that help. It doesn’t make you any less of a mother.
- Connect with Other Moms: Sharing your experience helps you to see how most of us go through the same thing. You aren’t alone and there will always be something that you can learn from another mom.
Remember, this is only for a season. You are a good mom.
